Tuesday, July 17, 2012

well i did get to see Elvin the guide that keeps saying "Ah Ruthi I see you next year!" and so that was fun...
Again I stood next to a daughter and held her right hand as she and I swore all that we said on paper and verbally was correct. Then I again kissed a hand of our daughter. I am so grateful for this point in the adoption process...then we stood in front of the representative and answered the few questions and that is when Kim changed.
Start reality..last step before leaving. Last step before arriving. Turmoil all inside. Don;t touch me, don;t stand beside me, don't get on the same escalater step ...just leave me the alone. I was crying because of he change in her stance and her turmoil and because I realized that I was able to sign her papers on my moms birthday. What would my mom be doing right at these moments through all of these grand-daughters arrivals? My dad and mom Bev did not travel with me this time and their presence was missed the whole time but we have collected toothpicks from all areas of China to return home with for dad and i see lots of compasses that i know one will make it's way into my suitcase for Bev.
 I am grateful for Carrie's presence her as she gives Kim a chance to escape and she has been walking by her when out. Carrie is such a great travel companion! So the face of adoption today does not have one. She is not looking at me. The pictures reflect that .... but i know tomorrow is a new day, and that each minute it does get better. I had Richard explain to her that all the children go through these emotions and then i showed her that I will leave her alone, folding my hands in my lap and have left her alone as I do know in my heart that I will know when she is ready for me to touch her again.

No comments: